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Well, I've been wondering la why people doesn't even thinking about my feelings.

Kenapa la tak pernah langsung nak happy macam orang lain. Got a sort kind of happiness but it only lasts for like 2-3 months. Whew. Maybe it's kind of test lah kot.

So I've been tested in this kind of situation.

It begun like this. I met this guy, well he's kinda good looking. But I'm not interested with him, at all. Instead, I had been admiring another guy that isn't as good as him. I have never thought to have 'something' with that guy, I mean the guy that I met after my crush. I'm not paying my attention on that guy. On that time, I was thinking that if he's there, I'm okay with it, but if don't, it's fine.

Few weeks after that, it turns out to be another way around. He started to talk to me and I was like "Okay what does this guy wanted from me?". But it's fine, I just entertain him just like how he deserved it. He was very flirty that time but I put my ego on the highest place and I don't even expect to actually FALL into him.

He used to show his effort to 'win' my heart. Idk, maybe it's a a kind of his flirty way. But maybe I was fool enough as I was slowly fall into him. He treated me so well. It's like, if you're on my shoes, you will feel the same way. Perhaps, you might have been fallen into him a long time before me. I was being mystery with him. I didn't even tell him my full name and that time he was trying so hard to find my real name, where my house located at, and some more. I even tried to avoid him at school or anywhere, as I could. He even asked about me at my friends. That time I was feeling like "Oh this guy is very showing his effort lah." but my heart isn't fully fall for him, But then, he knew everything about me. Like, my full name, my house, who my friends are and who am I always surrounded with. (If you're looking him from a  negative side, it would make you see him as a creepy stalker, maybe.)

I finally made a 'bravely dead' step by seeing him. Face to face. Alone. I meant, just two of us.

Day by day, it seems to be a routine for us meeting everyday. We are in different classes anyway, so it makes us to stay away in a distance during school hours. But it doesn't really keep us in a distance as we walk together after school time.

I don't even know how can I fall into him. I know how he is. I know who he has been in a relationship with but it seems like doesn't bother me, at all. I don't know what is happening to me but all I felt when I'm with him is a joy. Almost all the students know about 'us' and even my online friends. I'm not expecting this, at all. But it had happened so all I can do is nothing.

He told me that he used to look for me since 2014. Well, I'm not really sure about this. But he told me so. So, yeah. He told me that he always see me walk passing his class but I dont even look at him that time. Well of course I won't be looking into the class that I don't have someone to look for, right? And I'm not searching for anyone, or have anything to do with that class. I meant, which is his class that time. I don't even give attention to him until it's 2015. But that time, I was just look at him and felt like "Oh, this guy is handsome," but I don't even thinking to be close with him. Well......why is he looking at me when there's a flock of beautiful or gorgeous girls out there. Even my friends are beautiful so I've been wondering until now, why is he looking for me? Maybe it just a lie, just to ease my heart. Or, just to create something for me to remember him like; "Oh ya we met because you used to blablabla."

I finally lowered my ego for him and I felt like it's my responsible to stay devote to him. Eventhough we're not having a relationship that time. (I meant, untill now.)

But again, it turns out to be another way around. In a negative way. I guess it's the ending of our friendship? Well, we're really having a distance now. We rarely talk. And we often fight. For a small reason. I might be blaming my swinging mood but the fight wont be last if he lowered his ego and understand my situation that time. He no longer talks to me at night, accompanying me, singing with me, spending his time with me, sharing his problem with me and perhaps he don't even love me, like how I expect him to do. Well, honestly I'm disappointed but I dont even have any power to make him come back to me. I guess everything happened like this because of me. Because of my ego. And because of I was always thinking negatively about him. He's sort of a player, not in sports. But playing with others's feelings. And my thought that time was "He's just going to play around with me,"

What a dumb mindset. Now, I've lost you. Happy 2 months and 27 days spending time together. Bye.